


Pumpkin Patches

by unsp00kable



Series: A Harvest of Pumpkins [3]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Katsuki Yuuri, Bisexual Victor Nikiforov, Depression, Eventual Happy Ending, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Improper Self-Care, M/M, Minor Phichit Chulanont/Christophe Giacometti, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Phichit Chulanont Is a Good Friend, SPOILER ALERT:, Separation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-02-09 08:45:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18634750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsp00kable/pseuds/unsp00kable
Summary: “Yuuri you don’t need a gold medal to prove a thing to me, I regret having ever made you feel you were inadequate with the silver medal you worked so hard for… you are worth so much more. If it weren’t for your giant heart of gold, I would’ve given up on myself long ago. You’re the only one that’s ever seen me looked at who I really am, past my skating, got to know me, and still accepted me. "--This is a sequel toPumpkin Eater, part one of this series that I recommend reading first!





	1. privilege

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is, I have working on this since November!
> 
> There will be eleven chapters of Pumpkin Patches, but there is an alternate ending/other version to this story that will begin at chapter 3. 
> 
> I made a playlist for this verse! [ Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/unsp00kable/playlist/5QHbDqxCfOUYMz73M5oDUU?si=DeANI9p9TWubmTndBhE9dw) [ Youtube](https://youtu.be/rsEne1ZiQrk)
> 
> Each chapter is named after a song that it reminds me of =)
> 
> Tags will be updated with the chapters

_ It’s like I’ve lost a piece of myself.  _ __   
__   
_ Without Yuuri here it seems like even the sky is a different color.  _ __   
__   
_ What makes things worse is everything reminds me of him. _ __   
  
_ I just  _ miss him _.  _   
  
_ So much.  _ __   
__   
_ He’s so talented, I’ve known since the first time I’d seen him skate that he’d steal gold from anybody.  _ __   
__   
_ Little did I know he’d steal my heart while he was at it.  _ __   
__   
_ He just needed confidence, he needed to know  he could do it. I thought I’d helped him, I thought if I loved him enough he’d get there.  _ __   
__   
_ Turns out it was me losing him that did it.  _ __   
__   
_ God, he was so beautiful on the ice. It’s like this whole time the world had only been getting a taste of Yuuri. But now, it was like watching God himself skate on the ice.  _ __   
__   
_ It was so beautiful to watch him, yet felt like a knife to the heart. Knowing it was me, it was all me that caused him this pain.  _ __   
__   
_ You see... _ __   
__   
_ I never meant any of this.  _ __   
__   
_ Being lonely your whole life, not allowed to get too close to someone in fear of the future of your career really takes a toll on your heart. _ __   
__   
_ What happened in my past in no way excuses with how I treated Yuuri.  _ __   
__   
_ Gosh I really fucked up.  _ __   
__   
_ Some reporter from the stands somehow managed to record some of what went down in that tiny room under the bleachers. The crappy audio recording of Yuuri begging for Chris and Phichit has been used on nearly every Youtuber’s video since then, them coming up with conspiracy theories  of what exactly happened.  _ __   
__   
_ What’s worse is the video they captured. Us four walking straight faced into the room, ice shards glinting on Yuuri’s costume from coming straight off the ice. It shows me being shoved out of the room with the door slammed on my face. Then seconds later a shattered Yuuri struggling to the ice with Chris and Phichit supporting him.  _ __   
__   
_ That video hasn’t stopped trending since it was posted on Twitter before the night was even over.  _ __   
__   
_ I couldn’t care less of what people are saying about me, which I know sounds rich coming from me of all people. What I do care is what they’re saying about Yuuri.  _ __   
__   
_ It haunts me at night. The look in Yuuri’s eyes the moment he decided he didn’t feel safe or comfortable being alone in a room with me.  _ __   
__   
_ I need to mend all of this, or at least attempt to.  _ __   
__   
_ I don’t expect him to take me back, I don’t think I deserve that. He’s already given so much to me and I’ve taken advantage of that.  _ __   
__   
_ He’s the most precious thing in the world to me, and I hurt him with my selfishness.  _ __   
__   
_ I knew Yuuri would be anxious when faced with planning a wedding. Let alone a wedding that the whole world would try to get a piece of. So I took it upon myself to plan the whole thing. That way when the time came for me to propose, Yuuri wouldn’t have to spend a second worrying about the wedding. Because I would have planned it all perfectly and he could just enjoy it all in the moment.  _ __   
__   
_ At some point, I don’t know when, I stopped thinking about it as  _ our _ wedding and started thinking about it as  _ my _ wedding. From there the secret just got bigger and bigger, all consuming.  _ __   
__   
_ Throughout the whole planning process, Yulia was there. The wedding planner. She helped me nurture this secret, giving me advice and helping me make decisions that I wasn’t sure about.  _ __   
__   
_ It should’ve been Yuuri at my side, not her.  _ __   
__   
_ She got tangled up in this web of secrets about a wedding that was meant to be about Yuuri’s and my love for each other.  _ __   
  
_ I get it, I’m an airhead that can’t always think of anything besides himself. But I truly love Yuuri, and I still don’t know how the actual fuck Yulia happened.  _ __   
__   
_ If it weren’t for the dream the night before the Cup of China I don’t think I’d ever fully realized- _ __   
__   
_ I can’t even bring myself to think about that. I’m just thankful that I had that rude awakening of what my dense mind never caught on to before I made a real jerk of myself. I would’ve went to Yuuri, and unknowingly lied, stringing a bigger web of deceit.  _ __   
__   
_ I would’ve told him that I felt nothing for Yulia, which I finally realize is untrue.  _ __   
__   
_ What I had begun to feel for Yulia was a spark compared to the eternal flame of love I have for Yuuri.  _ __   
__   
_ So I still have a hard time comprehending that I cheated with her because it doesn’t feel like it. She was nothing compared to him. But I lost Yuuri, my everything, in the process.  _ __   
__   
_ Maybe I was afraid of the commitment of tying myself down to a marriage, even if it was Yuuri. The thought of settling down terrifies me, there is no room for surprise there. There’s no more shock value of what’s going to happen next when you commit to spend the rest of your life with someone.  _ __   
__   
_ But of course, instead of talking to somebody, Yuuri or even maybe Chris, about these feelings I became even more self absorbed, and acted like a fool.  _ __   
__   
_ As I was willing to retire permanently to be Yuuri’s coach at one point, I am now ready to fully commit to be Yuuri’s husband.  _ __   
__   
_ Too bad I fucked myself over, I am ready to commit to the love of my life now that he’s left me.  _ __   
__   
_ Yuuri, Phichit, and Chris have all blocked my number and blocked me from all their social media. The only way for me to keep up with Yuuri is through absurd tabloids.  _ __   
__   
_ After the Cup of China, I locked myself in my hotel room for four days while Yuuri traveled back to Detroit.  _ __   
__   
_ During those four days I came up with a plan, but it was also during those first days is when the shitstorm of rumors festered. Every media outlet you can imagine had our names on their lips and our faces plastered on everything.  _ __   
_   
_ __ Plans skating across my mind, I eventually left my hotel room.

 

_ I didn’t pay any mind to the whispers that flittered all around me as I made my way down to the lobby. I had planned on trying to hail a taxi, but as the desk clerk reminded me, the hotel I stayed in has complimentary limousines to take its guests anywhere in the city.  _ __   
__   
_ It wasn’t until I stepped into the revolving doors in the hotel lobby to leave did I notice the hoard of paparazzi waiting for me beyond the glass.  _ __   
__   
_ Wanting to capture the first glimpse of Victor Nikiforov after the scandal of the century, every person who owned a camera started taking pictures. Dazed and blinded by the hundreds of flashes, I stood there like a literal deer in headlights.  _ __   
__   
_ You see, since my early teen years, I’ve loved the camera and the camera loved me. But this is a whole different feeling.  _ __   
__   
_ The doorman gave me a knowing look, _ __   
  
“They’ve been camping out there for days. I’ve tried to fend them off but there’s no use. Sir, would you like my sunglasses?”    
  
_ Having not used my voice much at all, my throat garbled a yes as I thanked the man.  _ __   
__   
_ I braced myself as I made my way through the revolving door, the clicking and shuttering of cameras giving me goosebumps instead of the usual thrill for the first time in my life.  _ __   
_   
_ __ I tried to seem casual as I walked as fast as I could to the limousine waiting for me under the veranda. But microphones and questions were hurled towards me and made everything difficult. 

__   
_ The driver opened the door for me, giving me a curt nod and a smile in greeting. The crowd swarmed around the car as the driver himself got in, trying to take pictures even through the dark private tint.  _ __   
  
“Where to Mr. Nikiforov?”    
  
“The airport, please.”   
  
_ Getting to the airport, I was met with yet another mob of paparazzi.  _ __   
__   
“Victor! Is it true you are having an affair with Yulia Zamolodchikova?”   
  
“Did Katsuki turn out to be a gold digger like everyone thought?”    
  
_ Each question felt like a shot to the gut as I thanked the driver and the doorman in my head once more for the sunglasses.  _ __   
__   
_ With the shutter and flash of cameras chasing me until security reprimanded them, I walked briskly. I nervously checked and rechecked my flight and terminal.  _ __   
__   
_ I’d been on so many flights within this last week that I was afraid of getting confused.  _ __   
__   
_ This time was different though, I was headed to Detroit.  _ __   
  



	2. I thought that I was dreaming when you said you love me, the start of nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some Chris POV, along with Victor's
> 
> also a check in on Yuuri and Phichit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title is lyrics from Frank Ocean's Ivy which you can listen to on [ Spotify ](https://open.spotify.com/track/2ZWlPOoWh0626oTaHrnl2a?si=Q8O5ht25Qti7ZO3rJHiBjA) or [ Youtube ](https://youtu.be/AE005nZeF-A)

_ Ever since receiving the call from Phichit- the one about the blond in a Thai restaurant- I’ve been deeply confused.  _ __  
__  
_ On one hand, Victor is my best friend. But on the other hand, because I am his best friend it’s my duty to call him out on his bullshit.  _ __  
__  
_ Never getting any answers out of him frustrated me to no end. I know Victor will be Victor but even I can’t just let this go. I can’t imagine how Yuuri feels.  _ __  
__  
_ To make things even worse, I come to notice that I too am in the wrong. Masumi and I have only begun dating off and on again for a short time and are not too serious. However, with the airing of all Victor’s dirty laundry, I realized the most random thing to come out of this whole ordeal: that I am beginning to feel things for Phichit Chulanont.  _ __  
__  
_ Listening to Victor and begging him on the phone for answers opened my eyes, that I never want Masumi to experience that sort of pain.  _ __  
__  
_ I regret not being as available to Yuuri and Phichit as I could’ve been, but I needed to also deal with my own feelings too.  _ __  
__  
_ So I sat down with Masumi, and was completely honest with him. I told Masumi that even with how small the crush I had on Phichit seemed now, that it was unfair to him and I would rather keep him as a friend, rather than destroy any chance of us going up in a ball of flame.  _ __  
__  
_ Like the darling he is, he was supportive, happy that I felt comfortable talking to him about my true feelings and over joyed with the prospect of a close friendship. Sure he was a little sad, but that’s just a risk you take when you commit to someone. Plus, who knows, life is crazy, maybe fate will bring us together again? _ __  
__  
_ Anywho, I’ve put it upon myself to figure this whole fucking Victor/Yulia thing out on my own. With the help of Phichit of course, and my secret weapon: Masumi.  _ __  
__  
_ The three of us, Masumi, Phichit and I, threw around some ideas on how to get some answers. It went without saying that Yuuri was not included in our scheming, Victor had already robbed him of too much.  _ __  
__  
_ With Victor MIA after the Cup and Phichit nursing his best friend’s broken heart, it was up to me and Masumi to put everything into action.  _ __  
__  
_ With adrenaline still pumping through my veins from the events of that night along with a glass of champagne or two swimming in there too, I typed out an email to a certain wedding planner the night of the Cup of China.  _ __  
__  
“Masumi, call the concierge and tell them we need our laundry done. We’ve got an appointment in St. Petersburg that we need to make in a few days.”   
—————————————————————   
  
_ It feels like my fingers never stopped rubbing Yuuri’s gold band since finding it in that envelope. Has it really only been a few days?  _ __  
  
Victor’s phone rang for the millionth time that day, anybody with his number trying to get the “insider exclusive” on the story that has everyone’s jaws on the floor.   
  
Thing is, Victor couldn’t give less of a shit. Although he’s starting to become well aware that he doesn’t deserve to lick the ground Yuuri walks on, his heart sinks everytime it’s anyone but Yuuri calling.   
  
__ I’m so sorry my Yuuri, please be you calling me.

_  
_ But of course, it wasn’t Yuu, it was  _ her _ .

 

The media is on a witch hunt to “figure out who Victor Nikiforov’s mistress is.”   
  
_ I wonder if they’ve talked to Yulia yet? _

  
While the Russian skater stared at his phone trying to decide whether or not to answer, the screen goes blank. Once again, revealing Victor’s lock screen of Yuuri in one of St.Petersburg’s gardens.    
  
Biting the inside of his cheek, Victor wondered if this is how Yuuri felt all the time, riddled with a touch of anxiety. The gold winning champion Yakov and all of Russia molded from a child simply did not feel anxiety. But, that’s not who Victor is right now. He’s beside himself, not knowing what to do. Love is and seemingly will be a mystery, something he wasn’t rigorously  trained for.    
  
He can obtain as many gold medals as he wants, he has no doubt in that and definitely not in himself. But what sent him for a loop when he met Yuuri that ridiculous night so long  ago is the warmth he got from Yuuri that himself, or any title could not provide.    
  
So Victor chased that feeling, the first inkling of feeling he’s felt for something other than his performances and the ice in perhaps ever.    
  
He chased that feeling all the way to the seaside town of Hasetsu. Victor thought the spark from that single banquet warmed him, but God, the fire of passion he felt when Yuuri finally let him in could not compare.    
  
Better yet, as Yuuri and Victor grew closer and closer Victor didn’t feel so numb anymore. Together they worked well, their chemistry spot on. Yuuri made sure Victor never felt the mind numbing loneliness he was prone to, and Victor was the salve to all of Yuuri’s worries and burning anxiety.    
  
Victor grew comfortable in their relationship, content with how he felt. But once he was comfortable, he began to feed off of Yuuri’s warmth. Uncaring of how badly burnt out he was leaving Yuuri, Victor greedily searched for another flame.    
  
This, he’s beginning to realize, was his downfall.    
  
Once again chasing his warmth, he’s found himself in Detroit.    
  
Landing in Detroit was a whole other experience, every news stand in the airport had Yuuri’s tear filled face plastered on the cover of every magazine.    
  
It makes sense, Detroit being part of Yuuri’s “home turf.”   
  
His phone ringing again snaps him out of it.    
  
By the second ring, he’s got the phone to his ear.    
—————————————————————   
  
Yuuri woke up to the smell of pancakes and shot out of bed. He flew down the hallway, to the kitchen...only to be met with Phichit’s laughter.    
  
Yuuri had forgotten where he was again. The remnants of his dream made him believe he was back in his shared apartment with Victor, waking up to his fiancé in the kitchen as per usual on their days off. That was before though. Before Yulia. Now he’s in Detroit living at Phichit’s place...until who knows when. Just like old times, except... not.    
  
“Good morning Yuuri! How’d you sleep?”   
  
“Could’ve been better but, that’s life.”   
  
Phichit’s smile dropped just a little at his best friend’s state of mind.    
  
“Yuuri, how are you really doing?”   
  
Yuuri made his way over to the breakfast bar in front of the stove where Phichit was cooking.    
  
“I’m doing better. I think.” He says in his sad little soft tone tracing the pattern of the countertop.    
  
“Hey.” Phichit says to get him to meet his eyes.    
  
“It has only been a week Yuuri, it’s okay to feel however you’re feeling about all of this. Don’t think you’re already supposed to be over him, nor think you have to erase that time you two spent together. He was a part of your journey in both your professional and personal life and you grew together. Don’t forget to remember all the good with the bad that’s happened. It’s how it will all balance out. ”    
  
Yuuri watched as the Thai skater flipped a pancake in the air, a ghost of a smile on his lips.    
  
“Did you get that off of another fortune cookie? Peach you’ve already done this once to me-“   
  
“HEY! They’ve got good advice!”   
  
Yuuri actually giggled as Phichit dropped the pancake on the floor from being distracted.   
  
Maybe he will be alright.    
—————————————————————   
  
Chris tried his damndest to get a hold of Victor the minute Masumi and him landed in St. Petersburg.    
  
A part of Chris feels terrible for being so rotten towards Victor, but c’est la vie. Chris was best friends with Victor before Yuuri was even on anybodies radar, but relationships aren’t something the Swiss takes lightly. He looks after his friends, even if that means going after one of his own- Victor Nikiforov.   
  
Although no one has heard nor seen Victor since that night of the Cup, Chris and Masumi’s plan was to talk to him and get to the bottom of all this.    
  
Nobody even knew if he’d made his way back to Russia yet.    
  
It was also part of their plan to pack up the rest of Yuuri’s things in Russia and send them to Detroit for him.    
  
Phichit and Chris figured the less chance of Yuuri and Victor interacting, the better.    
  
However, Victor wasn’t answering any of their texts or calls. So, they decided to take a more direct approach: showing up at his doorstep.    
  
Not knowing if he was even home, the pair was buzzed in and took the elevator to Victor’s posh apartment.    
  
Chris knew the code to the pad lock on the door but they knocked anyway in the chance Victor was home.    
  
Masumi gave the door two quick rasps as Chris leaned against the doorframe, listening for any movement.    
  
He heard what he guessed was Victor’s bare feet pad over to the front door, bracing himself to be civil.    
  
As the front door slowly opened, a whiff of perfume and lips the color of candy greeted the two men.    
  
“Well, well, well, you must be the infamous wedding planner, Yulia.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Masumi and Chris are such badasses I love them so much 
> 
> kudos/comments appreciated, just no hate and keep it civil <3333


	3. Bet she's beautiful like you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: this chapter gets a bit dark- read with caution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title is lyrics from Selena Gomez's Perfect 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Victor is not practicing proper self-care.  
> PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES YOU DESERVE IT. 
> 
> ~~remember there is an [ alternate ending, "Hollow" ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18662359/chapters/44258173) , starting at Chapter 3 of "Patches" just please read the tags~~

By the time Victor got to his hotel suite from the Detroit airport, he was already exhausted.   
  
It was only noon.    
  
Walking past the mirrors in the oversized bathroom made him grimace. His hair was greasy and unkept. His skin was dull and pale, his natural ethereal glow gone.    
  
His eyes, oh his eyes. The sclera of his eyes were pink, from what he doesn’t know. It may be from the lack of sleep or being on the verge of tears at any given time. The bags under his eyes were the biggest he’s ever seen on himself, puffy and the color of purple bruises.    
  
Eyes not leaving his reflection in the mirror, he began to undress himself for a much needed shower. Just in the four days since the Cup of China, Victor has only ate a handful of meals. The aftermath of it is already making itself evident. His usually well kept body is already slimming, muscle loss occurring from malnourishment.    
  
His refined abs and quads that were key to his profession were just wasting away, like the rest of him.    
  
Victor didn’t realize he was crying until he seen the hot tears running down his chest in the mirror.    
  
_ I can’t even bring myself to care. I just miss Yuuri so much. _

  
The marble in the bathroom echoed back his hiccups as Victor began to openly sob.    
  
_ I hurt him so bad and he never deserved it. All he did was love me, love me with his whole being. _

  
Victor somberly made his way to the large bathtub in the center of the room, turning the faucet on to the hottest temperature, just how he likes it.   
  
_ Even when he suspected I was unfaithful, he still loved me. He loved me up until the very end. He probably still cares for me and I don’t deserve any of it. _   
  
Once the tub was half filled, Russia’s national hero lowered himself into the steamy tub.    
  
_ Yuuri, with his sweet soul and eyes full of stars deserves the world. His heart deserves someone who will cherish it more than their own. _

  
Leaning back with only billows of steam to comfort him, he thought some more.    
  
_ It’s a shame I couldn’t be that for him… _

  
Victor drifted off to sleep with memories of amber eyes and freckles from their first summer together, the best summer of his life.    
  
_...but I will try my hardest to better myself and be that now; for Yuuri. _

—————————————————————   
  
“Why yes, that’s me, the wedding planner but to formally introduce ourselves...”   
  
The blond opened the door to Victor’s apartment fully, making the two men flinch.   
  
“...I’m Yulia Zamolodchikova. But you already knew that didn’t you? You must be Christophe Giacometti, and Masumi Orenji?”    
  
If Yulia wasn’t one of the reasons that lead to the demise of Yuuri and Victor’s engagement, Chris thought he could almost get used to the purr of this woman’s voice. Almost.    
  
She stuck her hand out for them to shake. Only sweet Masumi took her bait, long perfectly manicured midnight blue nails poking the back of his hand.    
  
“I wasn’t expecting there to be any company here. Is Victor home?” Chris didn’t dare bat an eyelash around Yulia. Snakes just couldn’t be trusted no matter how pretty.     
  
She bit her lip, blinking owilishly before replying, “He is away on a trip, but he should return home soon. Come inside before we attract any...attention. “ The Russian gestured for them to follow her in as she turned on her heel.    
  
Chris and Masumi spoke to each other through their eyes as Chris began to follow her in, Masumi closing the door behind them.    
  


_ Something is off.  _

  
Although Chris never did get to spend much time in this apartment when Yuuri and Victor shared it, being international friends and all, it pained him to see Yulia here. Yuuri definitely wasn’t in Victor’s life when he first got this apartment, but they’d made it their home together, giving it love and life. And here Yulia was, making camp out of the home she’d wrecked.    
  
Clearing his throat Chris spoke up, “If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather move up our appointment for tomorrow to right now since we are already here.”    
  
Fishing three wine glasses from the kitchen, Yulia disappeared while Chris and Masumi made themselves comfortable in the living room.    
  
“Da, that will be fine, let me just fetch my scrapbooks and binders so we can start planning your big day!”   
  
Chris and Masumi really had come up with a genius plan. Since nobody knew the couple had split, they were going to play it off that they were planning a private wedding, choosing none other than Yulia to plan it.    
  
They were hoping that having the upper hand in this ordeal may allow them to get into Yulia’s head and figure out what really happened.    
  
Although the two friends weren’t actually getting married it was fun painting an abstract of what their wedding would look like, a perfect blend of both their tastes. Before they knew it a whole bottle of wine had been drunk and their scheduled two hour appointment had came to an end.    
  
“We need to begin scheduling appointments to taste wines, cake and such so I will need your phone number Chris to better keep in contact. How long are you two going to be visiting St.Petersburg for?”    
  
The Swiss hummed scribbling his number down next to all the notes and sketches of suits and venues in Yulia’s sketch book.    
  
“Just long enough to get the job done.”    
  
He chuckled at the vagueness and double meaning of his own words as he passed the pen to Masumi. But before he could jot down his number, Yulia flipped the book closed.    
  
“I think having Chris’ number should suffice Masumi, no need to have yours too.”   
  
Feeling just a tad awkward at being so indirectly rejected left Masumi reeling for a moment before he felt Chris’ hand slip into his.    
  
Waving and beginning to walk themselves out Masumi said “Well we will be waiting for a call from you!”    
  
“Yes, and do tell Victor to call me, I do miss him.” Chris said skeptically.   
  
Yulia was trailing the couple, mesmerized at how Chris’ body moves when he walks.   
  
“Will do, it was nice meeting you.”    
  
With one last squeeze to Chris’ shoulder she closed the door, leaving the couple in more of a confused stupor than when they arrived two hours ago.   
  
“Dear goodness that was a lot.”    
  
Walking to the elevator Masumi bobbed his head in agreement.   
  
“I’m going to need some coffee to process all this.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phichit, somewhere in the distance: YOU CANNOT WHOLLY GIVE YOUR ALL TO LIFE WITHOUT BEING WHOLE.
> 
> I love Yulia so much and hate her at the same time, my freaking OC. I am thinking of making a thread about her on Twitter, what do y'all think? (I know y'all hate her lol)


	4. when the butterflies turned to dust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor gets a taste of his own medicine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is lyrics from Taylor Swift's "Clean"

Although the season just ended, Yuuri couldn’t keep himself off the ice.    
  
It’s where he learned life and love. It’s where he found Victor and let him go.    
  
Yuuri knows and understands why he couldn’t continue on with Victor, but he also can’t say he’s over him either. There’s just so much bad blood between them and how they left things. It bothered Yuuri to no end.    
  
The paparazzi constantly swarming him isn’t helping him forget. Using the same rink as he did in University was comforting though, meeting other aspiring skaters.    
  
There was a young French skater training to compete in the Senior division. Her name was Olivia  and asked Yuuri of all people to show her how to jump quads.    
  
After nearly four hours on the ice together, Yuuri could see himself becoming friends with Olivia . While putting their skates away at the end of the day the young French woman struck up a conversation with Yuuri.    
  
“I know this must be a terrible sore spot for you but...I find you to be very inspiring. For all that’s went down in the public and in the media, yet you still took the time to help me with my skating today. So thank you.”    
  
Yuuri looked Olivia in the eyes, jet black- the same color as her hair falling over her forehead.    
  
“Thanks Olivia .” Yuuri honestly couldn’t think of anything more to say. He doesn’t feel as strong as everyone is projecting him to be.    
  
“Yes, especially since rumor has it that Victor Nikiforov is here in Detroit, which since you’re here, it makes sense as he could never take a woman for granted. I’m glad you’re not worried about him potentially lurking on you. Honestly, your business is no longer his business and he should just keep his distance. I seen some of the footage from that night and Phichit sure did look like he was ready to tear...”   
  
Yuuri looked down as his vision began to blur, feeling his eyes widen. He felt like there was a swimming pool in his lungs as he tried to breathe enough air into his body to not pass out.    
  
_ V-Victor’s here in Detroit? Why would he be here? Does he want to rub how happy he is with her in my face? Maybe he gave her a big diamond ring and wants to show it off. _

  
His knuckles were turning white with how hard he was gripping the edge of the bench. Yuuri could tell poor Olivia  was still talking but he couldn’t hear a word over the tea kettle whistle in his ears.    
  
_ Oh fuck don’t pass out Yuuri just please don’t pass out. Or puke on Olivia ! This is fine, you’re fine. You’ve just got to calm down. _

  
Taking a deep breath and gaining control over himself from his anxiety Yuuri tuned back into their conversation.    
  
“...well I need to go now Yuuri, but it sure was nice to meet you.”   
  
Picking up Yuuri’s hand, Olivia pulled it up to her lips, winking at Yuuri as she kissed the back of his hand.    
  
She didn’t let go of the Japanese man’s hand until she was walking away.    
  
“Au revoir!”    
  
—————————————————————   
  
“Yakov, I can’t go back yet.” Victor gripped  his cell phone tight from the cold and his nerves.   
  
“ _ Fine since it’s off season do whatever you want. What about your olen’? _ ”   
  
Victor felt his lips twitch in a smile. Since the day Victor brought Makka home all those years ago Yakov has refused to call her by her name. He insists she acts and looks like the fuzzy deer in Russia’s winters.    
  
“Look, Yakov, I’m not... in that good of a place right now. I don’t think I can take care of her. Tell Yuri I’ll pay him three times as what I usually do if he’ll watch her until I get back. I don’t know when that will be but you know how much Makkachin hates the boarding kennels and she shouldn’t have to go through that because of me.”   
  
The old man grimaced on the other side of the world at the sad tone of Vitya’s voice. Things must be pretty bad for him to not want his olen’ by his side. Yakov hates the paparazzi and tabloids but he couldn’t help himself from looking at them when he was buying his cigars the other day. Victor’s name and face was plastered all over them and he was not looking good at all.    
  
_ This boy is going to stress me out until my dying days. _

  
“Vitya...I’ve seen the paparazzi pictures in the tabloids. You need to take care of yourself. If you let your muscles waste away because you’re getting too thin, that’s on you. Get some sleep and eat a meal for the love of God.”   
  
Only half paying attention, Victor hums a goodbye, listening for Yakov’s reply before hanging up.    
  
He never can pay much attention to anything else when Yuuri is around, eyes never leaving him. It’s been nearly two weeks since he’s seen him and his heart aches with it.    
  
Victor gets it. They’re broken up, and he respects Yuuri’s decisions on moving to Detroit. But he can’t help himself with how much he misses Yuuri.    
  
Victor truly does care for Yuuri and he always will. Which is why he went sorta stalker status and is watching Yuuri skate from the back of the Wayne State University rink.    
  
He looks truly ridiculous trying too hard to be unnoticeable and unrecognizable in his extra as fuck fashion. Victor is dressed like Sherlock Holmes wearing a black trench coat with the collar popped up to hide his face. He’s even got a fedora on to hide his silver hair, paired with the doorman’s dark shades for his eyes.    
  
He watches as Yuuri skates with another woman, wishing it were him. Hurt thrummed through Victor’s veins everytime either of the skaters smiled at each other. But that hurt was nothing compared to the pain Victor felt when the other skater kisses Yuuri’s hand looking deep into his eyes.    
  
_ So this is what it feels like. _ Victor thinks to himself as his body moves without his control, tears burning in his eyes.    
  
The other skater walks away with a French goodbye, hand lingering on Yuuri as Victor floats down to where Yuuri is still seated. He doesn’t even realize what he’s doing until he’s standing in front of Yuuri, eyes wide and staring from behind the dark shades.    
  
Both men are breathing hard, as if Yuuri can just sense it’s him.    
  
“W-what is it-t?” Yuuri asks in a weak voice.    
  
Victor had been dreaming about this moment every night for the past two weeks, yet he stands there dumbly.    
  
Anger finally taking control, Yuuri stands straight up from the bench, getting in Victor’s face.    
  
With a fiery passion he’s never felt before Yuuri demands in a tone that sends a chill down both of their spines, “Well, what do you want?”    
  
Releasing the breath he hadn’t realized he’s been holding since the other woman touched Yuuri, the Russian felt like he was going to throw up.    
  
“Can we talk, please?”   
  
“Is that all you have to say to me Victor? Asking for even more of my time?”   
  
“Yuurrriii”   
  
“No, don’t Yuurrriii me.”   
  
Yuuri had to stop and take some deep breaths before he let himself cry for this man anymore than he already has before continuing.    
  
“Goodbye means goodbye.”   
  


Voice cracking, Victor looks at his shoes, “I’m not ready to say goodbye Yuuri.” 

  
Sighing really hard Yuuri felt the prickly feeling he gets when he thinks of all the tension and unsaid words between the two. He really does need to resolve all of this while he has a chance, even if it nearly kills him being so close to the man he gave his all to.   
  
From his college days, he knows Campus is deserted on Sundays. The perfect public place for them to have a civil conversation and clear everything off of their chests.    
  
“Meet me at Delilah’s Cafe on the first floor of the Undergrad Library on campus tomorrow morning at 10. There’s not many people on campus on Sunday mornings so we probably won’t get seen.”    
  
With that, Yuuri gracefully got up and walked away from him, skates in hand.   
  
Victor stared after him, his heart in his throat.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so...what do y'all think about Olivia? 
> 
> as always, kudos/comments appreciated and give the alternate ending a shot ;)


	5. our love has gone cold, you're intertwining your soul with somebody else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> crushes come to light and a bittersweet goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forgive me for the late update finals week is next week and it's already kicking my ass
> 
> title is lyrics from The 1975's "Somebody Else" a song that kills me everytime I hear it

“I don’t think we should pack up Yuuri’s things. She’s living in their apartment, I don’t think it’d be good to do it in front of her.”   
  
Masumi was lying on the King sized bed in Chris and his suite, fresh out of the shower.   
Chris was smearing his night mask on his face in front of the brightly lit mirror in the bathroom, “I don’t think so either. Honestly, how little she knows of where Victor is or when he is coming back worries me. Who knows if Victor even knows she’s there...she could have broken in.”   
  
“Has she texted or called you yet?  I don’t want to think about leaving Russia without taking care of Yuuri’s possessions but if that’s out of the question and she’s not texting you...maybe we should fly to Detroit?”   
  
* ** _ping_** *  
 **11:07 PM**   
**Yulia the “wedding planner”:** _Hello Chris! So I was wondering would you like to look at some ideas with me tomorrow over brunch?i want to hear your opinion- apart from your fiancé’s_

  
“That was her, she wants me to have brunch with her- alone.” Chris huffed waggling his eyebrows.    
  


“I bet she’s looking for a lot more than just brunch.” Masumi grumbled,  annoyed with that manic woman.    
  


“Oh Masumi, we’ve got to play nice if we want to find anything out.”   
  


“You’re right. I just can’t believe she’s only met you this morning and she’s already preying on you.”   
  


Turning out the lights, Chris got into bed with Masumi. 

  
“If this wasn’t an elaborate investigation and you were my fiancé, she’d have to start trying harder if she wanted to steal me from the likes of you Masumi,” Chris smiled at the other man’s peal of laughter, “Sleep now, I have a feeling we’ll be needing it for what’s in store for tomorrow.”    
  
In the morning Chris got ready for his brunch with Yulia, leaving Masumi in bed sleeping.    
When he got to the quiet café, he knew he was in for an amusing morning.    
—————————————————————   
After walking away from Victor Yuuri felt good- strong for taking control of a situation he previously thought he’d never make it through. But at the same time he felt fucking numb. It was purely his mind’s way of blocking itself from drumming up feelings of hurt and sadness but it didn’t feel much better.    
  
He walked the short distance from the rink to Phichit’s apartment replaying what had fell from those chapped lips, hanging on to every word.    
  


Yuuri was now feeling upset, a ball of anxiety churning in his chest while he thought about how stupid he was, obsessing over what was less than a five minute conversation. He still loved Victor and he hated himself for it. He’s been trying, oh has he been trying to swallow those feelings, rid them from his heart, body, and soul. But, just when he thinks he’s doing better something that reminds him of his ex-lover, or most recently, seeing Victor himself, sends him spiraling. 

  
He doesn’t want to be that anymore, so merciless to the person who has taken so much from him. But anytime he looks into those pools of teal he becomes helpless, held captive by the beauty of the person he used to believe was his soulmate. At one time, he’d seen his beginning, future, and his end in those shades of blue. Turns out, all those eyes could ever see was Yuuri’s end.

  
Finally stumbling into the apartment, Yuuri’s eyes began to leak on their own. It was just his luck that Phichit was yammering away at the kitchen island with company. Who it was, Yuuri didn’t have it in him to check.   
  


He bounded up the stairs that led to the guest-room-turned-Yuuri’s-room as he felt the waterworks build up. Having snagged Phichit’s bluetooth speaker a few days ago, he turns on the  [ playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/user/unsp00kable/playlist/5QHbDqxCfOUYMz73M5oDUU?si=NTDgtIO2TdCliyWST9CEBw) he made recently that he only listens to when he’s sad. He plays the depressive music loud, hoping it would help drown out the sound of the sobs racking his body as he laid in his bed.    
  


_ I should not be crying anymore tears for him, but I can’t help it. All of these songs remind me of him. _

—————————————————————   
Chris felt dizzy standing there in Phichit’s kitchen. It’s the day after having brunch with Yulia and honestly Chris couldn’t be happier being away from her, from Russia itself.    
  


Leaving physically empty handed was a downer but Chris and Masumi had dug up some dirt.    
  


When he’d gotten back from brunch Masumi had packed his luggage, sitting on their shared bed.    
  


“I know we had both planned to fly to Detroit together in the morning,” he started, licking his lips.   
  


“But I don’t think that’s such a good idea Chris. If Phichit is the one you yearn for, then I need to cut myself out of the picture for now, especially while things are still tender.”    
  


Christophe felt helpless from the doorway as he watched Masumi bite back tears. 

  
“We can be and still are friends like we’d set out to be but, I’m afraid I’m no longer needed at the moment in this scheme, Yulia having attached herself to you and not me.”    
  


The Swiss skater swallowed at his swelling throat, it was from the thought of Masumi and his lives being changed and split. He floated over to join the sad man on the bed, concern flooding his eyes. 

  
“Masumi...” he started, not knowing where he was going with that. 

  
“Shhh, it’s okay Chris. I have a flight back to Sweden scheduled for midnight tonight. If you and Phichit have any chance, I need to get out of the way.” 

  
Leaning forward, he pecked Chris for the last time on his lips, soft and savory.    
  


“Just because I’ll be in Sweden does not mean I want to be out of the loop of this whole Yulia situation. Now please, for the love of God, tell me what happened at brunch?” Masumi giggled wetly.    
  


And so Chris did just that, spending the day theorizing and walking down memory lane as midnight approached all too quickly, taking Masumi with its passing.    
  


That night Chris lay alone running through the details of his trip to Detroit. Beside him his phone was being blown up with texts from a certain blond but nothing could break him from his thoughts as he drifted off to sleep.    
In the morning he awoke, bright and early and landed in Michigan many hours later.    
  


Standing here in Phichit’s kitchen made his head spin. He had just begun to tell the story of meeting Yulia in St.Petersburg, on the cusp of explaining that Masumi and him were no more, when Yuuri snaked his way into the apartment without even a wave. 

  
Phichit had told the Swiss that Yuuri hadn’t been himself lately but he’d never thought it’d be this bad. Yuuri looked thin, purple bags under his eyes and it’s honestly the worst he’s ever looked in Chris’ opinion. Batting his eyelashes, Chris attempted to continue his story, the long explanation he’d planned in his head.    
  


**_Our love has gone cold_ ** **_  
_ ** **_You're intertwining your soul with somebody else_ **

 

Heavy lyrics of the band [The 1975](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9SUTtDVheM) flooded the atmosphere, Phichit frowning as he looked towards the stairs.   
  


“...and that would be Yuuri. I should go up there, he only listens to this playlist when he’s had a very bad day.” Sighing deeply through his nose Phichit looked at Chris under the yellow lights.    
  


“I think he subconsciously made this playlist with songs that remind him of Victor.”   
  


Phichit gave the door two quick rasps with his knuckles before opening it. As he’d suspected his best friend was a ball of blankets and tears on his bed.    
“It’s been one of those days hasn’t it?” Yuuri sniffled as a response, gently jostled as Phichit sat next to him on the bed.    
  


“Well how about this? We go out tonight. We live it up, party it up. Sure alcohol isn’t the healthiest way to get over someone but hey, you haven’t been anywhere besides here and the rink.”   
  


The Thai guy laid back on the bed and listened to the sounds of Yuuri’s labored breathing and hiccups as the song ended, the next beginning. It was “Privilege” by [The Weeknd](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcVDXHeD59c) **.**

 

The older one of the two uncovered his face from the blanket having been able to get a better hold of himself, the two men now both staring up at the ceiling.    
“Hey Yuuri...” Phichit trailed off.    
  


Without his glasses on he couldn’t see much, but Yuuri could see enough of his friend’s face to know there was something bothering him.    
  


“Yes?”    
  


“...you know what? Nevermind, you’ve got too much on your plate to hear about mine.”    
Turning his whole face and body towards him, Yuuri gave his full attention to his best friend. This mutual venting thing they’re doing, they’ve done since their college days. A way for both of them to talk out their feelings and clear their chests without feeling like a burden to the other.    
  


“No way, Peach. You’ve got to spill now, all we’ve been talking about for weeks is Victor and I. It’s your turn.”    
  


“Well, um so Chris is here, and he seems...different. I think Masumi and him broke it off.”   
  


Face breaking out into a shit-eating grin, Yuuri spoke of the elephant in the room since he knows Phichit would dance around it if he didn’t.   
  


“Oh, is this about the  _ crush on Chris you’ve been harboring for years _ ?” He said quickly, words rolling off of his tongue, knowing that the sound of The Weeknd crooning will drown them out from listening ears.   
  


Phichit spluttered, rolling over on top of a giggling Yuuri, covering his mouth with both hands. He’s got to admit, if it takes self humiliation to hear Yuuri laugh again then Phichit guesses he’ll just have to take it.    
  


“Shut up! He’s-“   
  


“Well hello boys.” Chris drawls smooth as fine wine, strolling across the landing in the staircase, interrupting Phichit.    
  


The Thai skater flung himself off of his best friend as the Swiss entered the room, flustered at Chris’ suggestive tone.    
  


“Goodness Phichit, leaving me lonesome downstairs while you two have all the fun up here?” Chris chuckled deeply at the expression on both of their faces.    
  


“I was just asking Yuuri here if he was up for clubbing tonight.”    
  


Yuuri was loving this, it has been a long time since he’s seen his partner-in-crime like this.    
Despite not really wanting to go out after a day like this, Yuuri decided to take one for the team, wanting to see where this night takes Chris and Phichit.    
He needed somebody in his life to find love if he can’t find it yet for his own self.     
  


_ I mean, how bad can it be? I’ll go out with them, drink a few drinks and sneak home. They won’t even notice I’m gone. Hmm… but then again, this could be fun. I wonder if Olivia would like to come? _

 

“Would it be okay if I brought someone with?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out the alternate version of this story, Hollow!! I just updated it too


	6. wipe the lust from your eyes I see that you're not mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ONCE AGAIN SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE 
> 
> title is lyrics from “Secrets” by the weekend

Oh boy had Yuuri been wrong about it being an easy night.    
It had started out okay, getting in to the club easily enough, even though it was packed. 

 

Phichit and Chris had gotten a hold of him, dressing him in ripped tight black skinny jeans that made his ass look “delectable” (Chris’ words not his). Phichit has worked some gel through his hair, slicking it back as he shakily put contacts in his own eyes. Chris had picked through Phichit’s wardrobe as Yuuri’s was still in Russia. 

 

Together they suggested the skimpiest tops of lace and fishnet that Yuuri had no idea his friend even owned. They all compromised when Yuuri refused all of their choices, picking a jumper with with bulky stripes in earthy tones. Even Yuuri admitted that he looked good.

 

Sadly though Olivia wasn’t able to join them, apparently it was the weekend before finals. 

 

All three skaters waded through the crowd to get to the bar, Yuuri taking a few shots with Chris and Peach to get the night going.    
  


“Don’t get too crazy with the alcohol Yuuri, you know what it does to you! We will be right back!” Phichit had yelled over the bass of the  [ music ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJ8fDGv4k8s) .    
  


But of course, as soon as his friends left him at the bar to go dance, Yuuri noticed a silver head of hair amongst the throng of people.    
  


He chalked it up to just wishing Victor was here, imagining it from the liquor in his veins making him tipsy.    
Yuuri did that the first few days of being in Detroit. He missed Victor so much that his brain made apparitions of Victor appear like a ghost, offering him comfort in those strong arms of his and smile that could outshine the sun.    
  


Having mentally blocked himself from what happened earlier that day in order to have a good time, Yuuri had forgotten Victor really was in Detroit as he thought to himself:   
  


_ It’s not him Yuuri, why would he be in this club? How could he possibly know to find you in Detroit? _

 

It was a long, drunkenly drawn out “Yuuuuuuurrrriiiiiiiii” that broke him from his spiraling thoughts.    
Yuuri tried to ignore it, having been through this before. But fuck if he didn’t miss the sound of Victor’s voice saying his name like it actually meant something to him.    
  


_ Okay I’m definitely  _ gone!  _ Gosh I must’ve already drank to much. _

 

“Let’s dance Yuuri!” The ghost said, grabbing his hand and helping him off the tall barstool.    
  


_ I might look like a fool on the dance floor dancing by myself but I do need to relax. Besides, Chris and Phichit are seemingly nowhere to be found… _

 

Yuuri let his imagination run wild with this ghost, allowing himself to be lead to the dance floor. Yuuri could be selfish too. If the real Victor wouldn’t give him his all, then maybe this one would let Yuuri be his one and only.    
  


So they danced; danced and laughed until Yuuri’s face hurt and his feet could take no more.    
Ghost Victor’s eyes were dreamily blown.    
  


“So, what, no dance off?”    
  


“I’m not drunk enough,” the younger one replied blinking sluggishly, “besides this isn’t a banquet and you’re not real.”    
  


This caused them both to throw their heads back, giggling and carefree.    
  


When Yuuri opened his eyes again, the apparition was looking at him with a wistful smile on his pink lips, sugary gaze gleaming with the bright lights periodically bathing the room. 

  
“You wanna go somewhere?”

 

Yuuri read his lips more than heard the question, the throbbing bass and atmosphere of the club finally getting to him. Either way, Yuuri found himself nodding his head. Bobbing through the crowd, hand in hand with a product of his imagination fueled by his broken heart, Yuuri found himself genuinely smiling, feeling the lightest he’s been since Yulia weaseled her way into their lives.    
—————————————————————   
Chris admits, thudding music, strobe lights, and the jostle of being hip to hip with wiggling strangers is not the ideal setup to tell Phichit him and Masumi have split (and maybe, just maybe confess his crush for that cutie).    
  


Yet here they are.    
  


They were moving, bodies complimenting each other while dancing. Phichit would move one way, ass bouncing hypnotically, and Chris would try to keep up, whilst trying to not get caught up in the way his dick and heart rate kept trying to rise being so close to the Thai. 

 

After some time the Swiss couldn’t take a second longer of this ridiculousness. He was Christophe Giacometti for fucks sake! Christophe Giacometti is not shy by any standard.    
  


“Phichit I’ve got to tell you, Masumi and I-“   
  


Nervous and jumpy, Phichit would rather not hear anything at all about Chris’ boyfriend. Especially when he was trying his hardest at keeping their dancing from turning into anything that wasn’t platonic. Phichit didn’t think he could survive if it did. Moreover, Chris had a boyfriend.    
  


Eyes scanning for a distraction, Phichit looked to where they’d left Yuuri at the bar.    
  


“Hey! I wonder where Yuuri went?” he asked awkwardly.    
His Apple Watch flashed with an answering text:   
  


**12:32 AM**   
**Yuwuri-** _goin home dont woiry ;))_

 

Having read the message, Chris took a deep breath. It was now or never.    
  


“Phichit, I...have been meaning to tell you something. Masumi and I split. We are still good friends but I couldn’t do it to him.”    
  


Phichit stilled his movements, heart beating like horse hooves on a racetrack. His wide eyes frankly scared Chris, having never seen his crush at a loss for words as he was now. Both feeling like fish out of water despite swimming in a sea of people, they just stared at each other. 

 

“C-couldn’t do what?” 

 

Phichit attempted the breathing exercises engraved in his mind from all the times he’s recited them to fellow anxious skaters and students. Namely Yuuri. 

 

“What Victor did. Heart in one place, mind in another.” 

 

It was like Chris had broken a spell. Phichit springing into his arms, catching the shorter man easily with a hold on those tiny hips. 

 

Chris gasped on impact, or so he thinks. He doesn’t really know, since it was lost to Phichit’s quick peck to his bottom lip. 

 

“You aren’t Victor. I don’t think you ever could be, Chris.” he said, staring at those thick cherry lips wanting more. 

 

“I hope not. Masumi and I are good friends now. He understood, which is more than I could have ever asked for.”

 

Playing with the short length of the Swiss’ undercut, Phichit stayed with his arms wrapped around his neck, held up by strong hands against a killer waistline. 

 

Neither of them was drunk by any means, but the feeling of the older man’s hardening cock poking him in the ass has Phichit floating. Phichit began sucking on

on his own bottom lip, torn. 

Chris had a lovesick look on his face, soft and vulnerable to the man in his arms. He wanted Chris, he really  _ really _ wants Chris. 

 

_ But what about Yuuri? Is it fair to get the fucking of your life while your best friend is still dealing with the emotional trauma his ex left him with?  _

 

Funnily enough, Christophe was thinking along the same lines.

 

_ I wonder if this is against guy code, resolving an unrequited love amongst a cloud of despair from one of the toughest breakups known to history? Oof, did I just use the word love?  _

 

“Look Chris, I want to, I really do. But-“

 

“Yuuri I know,” Chris sighed, breath tickling Phichit’s hardened nipples as he leaned his forehead against svelte collar bones. .

 

Smiling boyishly, Phichit felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise, blush spreading. 

 

He looked down at Chris’ head as the Swiss walked them towards a table in the back, unable to resist himself from reaching his hand out, stroking gold hair lovingly now that he could. Gosh he’s been gone for this man almost as long as Yuuri had been for Victor. 

 

Chris sat at a tiny table for two in the dark part of the club, dwarfing the small frame perched on his lap. Phichit was glad Chris couldn’t see his face from this angle, knowing his dopey smile would give away all the sappiness he felt in his heart, but there was still room for uncertainness. 

 

“Y’know Chris, I have liked you for a very long time. I don’t know how you feel but I want more than just sex.” 

 

Reaching up, Chris kissed Phichit soundly on the lips, heart soaring. 

 

“I feel the exact same, love. I want to be whatever you need me to be.” 

 

Phichit surged forward once again that night, licking into Chris’ hot mouth, before getting embarrassed at his forward ness  and pulling back. The Swiss wasn’t going to have any of that, connecting their mouths briefly to nip on Peach’s lip. 

 

Wanting to capture this moment of giddiness, Peach took out his phone, posing with a kiss to Chris’ cheek as he snapped a selfie. 

 

A few drinks later, a very hot make out session, and some heavy petting in the Uber later, the two men wrestled into Phichit’s bed around 3 AM, mindful of the apartment’s thin walls. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY MY BOYS FINALLY KISSED and I purposefully picked the song Peaches and Cream for very obvious reasons ahah 🍑
> 
> what is your favorite part thus far? 
> 
> don’t forget about the alternate version, Hollow!


	7. dancing with a stranger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm SO sorry for not updating yesterday,
> 
> hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> title is lyrics from Sam Smith's "Dancing with a Stranger" which is on Yuuri's playlist if y'all care to listen to it 😎😎

Bar hopping late into the early morning with only a “hallucination” as company wasn’t the smartest thing 

 

Yuuri’s done. Not being slick and low key about it wasn’t so smart either. They’d hit up every gay club in Detroit and then some by the time they were all closing at 3 AM. 

 

Yuuri was loud, liquid strength giving him the courage to take over any karaoke machine he had the pleasure of being in the same room with. 

 

As loud as he was though, singing his heart out to “What Makes You Beautiful” by One Direction everytime, ghost Victor was even louder, cheering on Yuuri like a groupie.

 

“SHOW THEM YOUR EROS YUUUURIIII,” he’d cup his hands and shout over everything else. 

 

Thinking only he could hear him, Yuuri always winked at him before wiggling and shaking his ass at the occasional money being tossed towards him. 

 

Getting kicked out at the last bar closing, Yuuri wandered the streets a little bit, the sparse liquor in his veins keeping him toasty. Well, that and an arm around his shoulders, pulling him into the side of a certain tall ghost of his past. 

 

He didn’t want to go home yet, mind telling him he’d have to do something difficult once he woke up. As to what it was, he did not know. What he did know though is that he was currently having the most fun he’s had in months. The weight of worry and anxiety about his future lifted, his cloudy skies of depression cleared. Yuuri dared to call what he was feeling happiness. 

 

Ending up in the place he and Peach used to always end up when drunk in Detroit, Yuuri found himself walking through the parking lot of the only twenty-four hour laundry mat in the city. His eyes squinted at the bright neon sign of a maiden scrubbing clothes on a washing board. 

 

At this time of night, there was no one in there, besides the desk clerk themself doing their laundry. 

 

Perfect. 

 

Yuuri sat in his favorite spot, the chair closest to the washer that’s been out of order since before the pair of friends walked through that door for the first time. The ghost sorta flitted, squishing itself into one of the laundry carts. Yuuri giggled at how cute he looked, disheveled from their dancing and drinking, internationally ranked, gold winning long legs spilling out from the sides. 

 

The ghost’s face melted into a smile that Victor usually gave when he longed for something. 

“I’ve missed that sound.” 

 

“Me too,” Yuuri whispered, reflecting. “The humm of the dryer is doing a nice job of giving me some privacy, since I am talking to himself. I hope the clerk doesn’t think I’m tripping out like Peach and I did that one time.”

 

Victor Nikiforov lazily smiled.

“You’re so funny Yuuri, you’re not talking to yourself, I’m right here.” 

 

A beat passed as Yuuri fiddled with his fingers. 

 

“How are you?” He asked, genuinely concerned, knowing trying to apologize to Yuuri once more wont get him anywhere.

 

“How are you?” Yuuri parroted back, smirking boyishly as he studied the tile under the laundry cart. As the night went on he began to feel just a tad bit crazy, giggling some more. But, as his smirk faded away, he looked back up at Victor’s face, wishing he could caress those cheekbones and look into eyes full of love once more. 

 

Right now, he felt like he could drown in his ocean eyes, and end it all. But instead, he decided to vent to the bootleg version of the person he used to be able to lay his head in the lap of and open up about anything and everything to. 

 

Yuuri has been feeling a tad guilty for turning down all of Phichit’s attempts to be his rock again, like they used to be for each other in University. But Yuuri found himself not being able to be honest with himself, much less his kind hearted best friend.  

 

But Victor, whether it was the faded poster, real life, or now, even ghost, Yuuri has always been able to be completely honest with any versions of him almost all of his life. 

 

“I miss you,” he started, “I’m still in shock, disbelief, and even disappointed, but overall, I’m pretty sad. I don’t know what I did to make you unhappy. I know I never seem to satisfy anybody, that I’m never enough, but-“

 

Yuuri broke off, hot tears running, undoubtedly ruining the eyeliner Chris had swiped on his waterline. 

 

“I thought we were unbreakable, unstoppable. Victor I was so in love with you that it blinded me. I refused to acknowledge the monster of suspicion tearing through my rib cage every waking hour and sometimes haunting me in dreams. I thought you wouldn’t have ever dared to hurt me, letting you into the deepest depths of me, of my heart. But all you did was learn how to hurt me the most. My love for you was so strong, unbreakable, while I myself am like porcelain.”

 

Sniffling and crying as he watched the man that he destroyed shatter once again before his eyes, Victor scrambled, using his legs to propel himself off the line of washers to be closer to Yuuri. He also had tears in his eyes, feeling the weight of disappointment and sadness crush his chest.

 

So he too opened up, although he didn’t deserve any of Yuuri’s time that he’s taken tonight. He spoke to Yuuri in a soft tone, eyes wandering as they bled tears of pain and regret.

 

He was disappointed with himself, hated himself for letting himself get mixed up with someone else when he had all he ever needed or wanted in Yuuri. Sweet Yuuri, with his big Bambi eyes that cause Victor to do silly things like jet all around the world chasing him, throwing his career, the thing that he used to live and breathe, to the wind. How could he have ever hurt his Zoloste, his heart, his love, his life? How was he okay with meeting with Yulia under Yuuri’s nose, betraying him and his heart of gold. 

 

“Yuuri you don’t need a gold medal to prove a thing to me, I regret having ever made you feel you were inadequate with the silver medal you worked so hard for… you are worth so much more. If it weren’t for your giant heart of gold, I would’ve given up on myself long ago. You’re the only one that’s ever seen  _ me _ looked at who I really am, past my skating, got to know me, and still accepted me. 

 

“I don’t know why it’s only now coming out of me Yuuri but it fucking terrified me how much I loved you and how quickly and irrevocably you fell for the real me. I’m not perfect, and I never will be and I’m still at almost thirty fucking years old trying to wrap my head around that since that’s what I’ve always been told and what I’d believed until I met you Yuuri. You showed me how perfectly imperfect you are and the beauty behind it all, making me fall for you even harder, even while we are still apart.” 

 

They were both sobbing ugly tears by then, Victor knowing he could go on and on with the revelations he’s made since the Cup of China. He is not the same man he once was. 

Although he knew better, Victor’s fingers itches to wipe those big crocodile tears from that gorgeous face of Yuuri’s that he’d caused. But he knew he didn’t deserve that. He deserved to be tortured by the clear evidence of the pain he’d caused. 

 

Yuuri too craved to touch Victor’s face, feel that ethereal skin painted with salt. But alas, Yuuri couldn’t bring himself to, believing his fingertips would only be met with the stuffy air in this large room, having tried this over and over with this ghost of his. 

 

Without a word, tired and exhausted from the night of dancing and emotions assaulting him, Yuuri rose from his seat. He walked towards the entrance, pensive, ignoring the sound of Russian curses and screeching metal as Victor pried himself out of the cart. 

 

The pair stayed silent the whole way, marinating on what’s been said until reaching the stoop of Phichit and Yuuri’s place. 

 

“Um, Yuuri I don’t think I should go in there.” Victor hesitated to follow Yuuri inside. 

 

Japan’s Ace paused, briefly to look at Victor’s “ghost” from where he was unlocking the door with his shiny new key. 

 

“You’ve never had a problem following me in before…” Yuuri trailed off, puzzled. 

 

Victor himself was still confused, but he didn’t want to disappoint Yuuri. 

 

“Well, do you want me to come in?” 

 

Deep down, Victor was terrified of a replay of what happened at the Cup of China; Chris and Phichit ganging up on him and physically throwing him out of the room. On top of all that, he wanted Yuuri’s full consent that he was comfortable with him around. It’d been awhile since either of them had drunk anything, the cold Detroit air having sobered them both as much as it could.

 

“Yes.” Yuuri answered, lacing his fingers with Victor’s, not thinking too hard about it as he was afraid of the ghost slipping away. Although, Yuuri was becoming increasingly concerned with his need for this knock off of Victor. 

 

The two men gracefully went up the stairs, cheeks pinking at the sounds coming from the Thai’s room. Once inside Yuuri’s door, Victor felt like an actual ghost, floating around in a room he did not belong in. 

 

Having never let go of those lingering fingers, the brunette used them to guide Victor’s seemingly evanescent form into his bed with him. Yuuri’s room had such large windows, the break of dawn oozing light across the sky, slowly but surely. 

 

The Russian laid stiff at first, staring into amber eyes until they looked back at him. 

“If you get uncomfortable at all with me Yuuri, please feel like you can tell me anything that’s bothering you. Uncomfortable is the last thing I want to make you feel.” 

 

“You’re not like him,” Yuuri started, snuggling and wrapping athletic arms around his torso, “I can actually trust you to not stab me in the back.”

 

It stung. Hearing Yuuri freely speaking his mind to him. But, Victor knows he did worse onto Yuuri, and that’s all on him. If it takes a million proverbial slaps in the face from Yuuri to balance out the wrong-doing he’d done to his past lover, then he’d take it. 

 

Glancing at his phone, Yuuri realized it was nearing 6 AM. He plugged it in, before trying his hardest to fall asleep. 

 

Victor’s natural musk was permeating his room, a smell that used to put Yuuri at ease with his nose buried in Victor’s neck, hands rubbing at his lower back. All it did now though was put him on pins and needles. Yuuri thinks the ghost might be crying, body moving with the force of it. 

 

If he tries hard enough, he thinks he can imagine tears splattering and running down his own face from their proximity. 

 

The smaller man shut it out though limbs finally relaxing after the day he’s had as he drifts to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so how we feeling about "ghost victor?" ☹ Is he really just a cocktail of Yuuri's anxiety/heartbreak and imagination?


	8. i'm not so good at hiding lonesome truths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just got out of a STATs final phew! enjoy!!!! 
> 
> title is lyrics from WANTED U by Joji ☺

In the morning he wakes to the warmth of bright sun beams on his forehead only, the rest being blocked by... the ghost? Yuuri was immediately on high alert as his eyelids flew open, only to be met with the face hundreds of plastic surgeons have used for reference. 

 

_ My mind usually doesn’t hang on to him for this long. Talking to him at the rink yesterday must’ve really fucked me up.  _

 

Yuuri gasped inwardly, having totally mentally blocked himself from yesterday’s events. 

 

_ My subconscious must’ve remembered though and is trying its hardest to cope by imagining this ghost Victor.  _

 

Yuuri felt an avalanche of anxiety funnel it’s way down his throat from his brain as it all came back to him, remembering that he’d agreed to meet with Victor in person in the library this morning. 

 

_ It’s time to face the music, once again give Victor a chance to say what he feels like he needs to say. Why did I agree to this again? Oh right because the last time went so well *mental eyeroll*  Ugh, but for now I can be a little selfish and watch this angel Victor sleep before I have to get up right?  _

 

It was so satisfying yet frustrating to be lying right next to something that looked just like Victor. 

 

_ It’s unfair how beautiful he is, how many times had I gone giddy with the thought of having the pleasure of getting to wake up to this every morning?  _

 

The sun illuminated his hair, making it look like liquid mercury spread across Yuuri’s pillow like a halo. Although it did look a little messy.

 

_ My mind really does love to torture me doesn’t it? Remembering every single detail of him.  _

 

Yuuri could try to deny the feelings that stirred in the pit of his stomach studying “Victor,” but they would be for not. 

 

Getting a good look at his face from this close of an angle, Yuuri did notice some anomalies; Victor looked rough, which was...odd. 

 

His usually well groomed face had some hairs that real Victor would go manic about, Yuuri thought. His eyebrows needed to be reshaped, the peach fuzz that grew on his fivehead that no one knew about except for Yuuri had gone all wack. Yuuri huffed a laugh as he noticed the facial hair, although very light in color, were making themselves known with a dusting of hair. Victor usually waxes his face every morning to prevent that from happening as those hairs on his body grow with a vengeance and Lord forbid Victor Nikiforov look his actual age. 

 

The plains of his face seemed narrower, cheekbones sharper. In fact, his whole body seemed thinner, Yuuri observed. He was in awe of the size and deep purple coloring of the bags under Victor’s eyes. Yuuri was noticing that it seemed as though some sort of makeup had been smeared over them, a futile attempt to cover it all up. It was then Yuuri looked into cloudy blue irises, his eyes bloodshot, blood vessels protruding in his scelera an angry red. 

 

“Yuuri.” He called out his name, morning breath filling Yuuri’s senses.

 

It all hit Yuuri like a train, coming to him at once, his head began spinning, heart beat in his throat. 

 

_ This can’t be happening.  _

 

Yuuri didn’t want to believe it, what he already knew was true. 

 

But when the ghost was able to wrap his arms around him and give him a slight squeeze, Yuuri realized that in fact, the “ghost” he’d spent last night with was in fact not a ghost. 

 

It really was the actual Victor Nikiforov, not a figment of his lovesick imagination. 

 

Yuuri felt sick to his stomach. 

 

“Ah, it looks like you’re regretting all of last night like I thought you might.” Victor looked so sad, like he was on the verge of tears. 

 

“I thought I made sure you were okay with me sleeping here, since I knew you weren’t completely thinking straight. Gosh Yuuri, please don’t hate me more for this I knew I shouldn’t have even came near you-“

 

Yuuri presses his finger to Victor’s lips, shushing him from his rambling. He just needed to  _ think. _

 

Well, he figured, first things first is get Victor out of his bed, out of this apartment, off of this  _ block  _ before Phichit caught sight of him. Peach would go ballistic trying to protect Yuuri, and he’s seen what his friend can do to a punching bag, having trained with him for years. 

 

Yuuri checked the time, seeing that it was 9 AM and it being a Sunday (and the fact that they went clubbing last night), he knew his best friend would hopefully still be in his room. 

 

Victor followed suit as Yuuri quietly slipped on his shoes before sneaking down the stairs, past his best friend’s bedroom door. He could hear two voices chatting away on the other side. 

 

_ Phichit must’ve gotten lucky, gosh I hope it’s Chris. _

_ ————————————————————————— _

After their rendezvous in the club (and in Phichit’s bed) the two skaters woke in each other’s arms. 

 

That and the sound of Chris’ phone getting a million texts from Yulia. 

 

_ Oh yes, her... _

 

Phichit rolled over on top of the Swiss as he looked at his phone whilst laying on his back. Straddling Chris, Phichit pressed his hands against the taller man’s pecs, both men naked as the day they were born. 

 

Rathering to live in the moment with Phichit, Chris locked his phone, tossing it on a nearby pillow. He sighed deeply, content as he ran his hands up sculpted brown thighs, seeing his reflection in the dark playful eyes above him. 

 

“I’ve been meaning to debrief you since stepping into this apartment yesterday.” Chris said, smirking. 

 

“You’ve already debriefed me, remember?” Phichit rolled his hips suggestively, giggling. 

 

Chris literally cackled an embarrassing laugh, one he’d never admit to being capable of making.

 

“Yes, that too,” the Swiss purred, fingers dangerously dancing near Phichit’s cock,” but I mean debrief you on the Yulia situation.” 

 

The two skaters went quiet as they heard shuffling on the staircase, both looking towards the ceiling. They listened, tracking the sound of footsteps. 

 

“That must be Yuuri.” Phichit muttered. 

 

“Hmmm, I don’t know, that sounded like too many footsteps to be just one person.” 

 

They both looked at each other with wide curious eyes, as Phichit listened closer. Sure enough, he could detect the pattern of footsteps that didn’t belong to his best friend. 

 

“Yup that’s two people.” Phichit mouthed to Chris before slapping a hand over his mouth to trap a bubble of laughter threatening to escape. 

 

Chris himself was biting his tongue, amusement on his face. 

 

They both sat, holding their breath as they heard Yuuri and his guest leave out of the front door before being reduced to gigging piles of naked skin.

 

As their laughter calmed down, a terrible thought crossed Chris’ mind. 

 

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that Yuuri is getting back out there but I’m genuinely a little worried about Victor. I mean it’s been over a week and nobody has heard anything from him…” 

 

“Yeah, I’ve been keeping up with social media closely, watching to see where he pops up at or what everybody is saying about him that’ll give some clues on what he’s doing now.”

 

“Well, he’s not at his St.Petersburg apartment, I know that for sure.” Phichit found it adorable how Chris’ bottom lip stuck out a little when he was mad. 

 

Playing with it with his finger, Phichit asked,” how is that?”

 

“Get this, Yulia is living there! We think she might have broken in. We didn’t get Yuuri’s things since she was all over the place. ” 

 

“Broke in?!”

 

“I have the key code for the lock memorized, maybe if she seen Victor type it in enough times she did too…” 

 

Anger making his black irises seem that much darker, Phichit felt himself tearing up just a little. It’s an annoying reaction to when his emotions get too strong.

 

“Food. I’m going to need some food before hearing all of this.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you guys have been dying for it so here is a mini thread on [ my OC Yulia ](https://twitter.com/notunsp00kable/status/1124416612038111232) 😏😉
> 
> don't forget to check out Hollow


	9. remember that we always were so strong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Yuuri finally have that talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title is lyrics from 2 Chord by Sleeping with Sirens <33
> 
> listen to the song on the playlist, it gives the feels

The December cold was not kind to either of the two men as Yuuri hailed a taxi to campus. 

 

They were technically early to their 10 AM coffee shop meet up, but Yuuri couldn’t care less. Yuuri was relieved though when he realized some things never changed, like the menu at Delilah’s or the fact that the cafe was dead inside. 

 

Being an alumnus, Yuuri ordered quickly, knowing what he wanted while Victor took a while, annoying both Yuuri and the barista. 

 

Yuuri was clearly calling the shots, choosing a secluded booth in the far back of the cafe, out of earshot of the lone employee. 

 

Victor watched Yuuri as he opened the lid to his steaming cup. It smelled like white hot chocolate and it made Victor drool as he watched nostalgia bloom over Yuuri’s features. 

 

_ “ _ So.” Yuuri said, drinking the sweet liquid.

 

_ Straight to business: no bullshit.  _

 

“So…” Victor trailed off, regretting ordering just a simple black coffee. Regret; it seems to be one of the only things he feels these days besides his aching heart of love for Yuuri. 

 

“I’ve got to say it,” Victor starts, stress pinching his eyebrows together,” Yul-“

 

“Don’t. I don’t want your sorry apology, either.” Yuuri tries to stop him, not wanting to hear her name. 

 

Victor stops and lays his eyes on Yuuri, really looking at him. He too seems to have thinned a little, hair not as shiny and healthy. Victor hasn’t seen him smile once since they woke up, face not showing any emotion at all. 

 

“You’ve heard it from me before da? I truly am sorry.” Victor looked so odd to Yuuri as he watched him drum his fingers on the table. He sees now that he really wasn't too far from the truth believing Victor was a ghost. 

 

“But I know we were both lucid last night Yuuri. I know I was plastered for the first quarter of the night but I remember everything. And as the night went on, my mind cleared, sobering. But you weren’t drunk at all. We were both sober for the most crucial part of that night, and that is when we both said what we did at the laundromat. Yuuri, I meant every single word that I’d said. Every. Single. One.” Squeezing the bridge of his nose Victor tried not to break out crying, but he is a weak man. 

 

“Victor don’t you cry. You’ve got nothing to cry for, you only regret you were caught and that I’m not letting you back in just like that.” Yuuri snapped his fingers.

 

“You’re used to people letting you get away with anything you want because of who you are, but not me. Things will never be the same, don’t you get it?  _ We _ are not the same, and never will be.” Yuuri sniffled, but he did not cry. It was yet another earth shattering turn of events that made his head spin as he watched one of the most composed people he  _ thought _ he knew weep like a toddler in a university café.

 

“I want to make it better Yuuri, I want to fucking make it up to you. I hurt you so bad, I was such a monster, thinking I knew what was best for the both of us and making it all about myself.” Taking a deep breath, Victor said the thing that’s been eating at him for awhile. He steeled himself, squaring his shoulders and locking eyes with Yuuri. He wanted to make sure Yuuri heard every word, attention unwavering. 

 

“I never planned on falling in love with you, because at the time I didn’t know what all that entailed. Sure, the flirty drunk version of you intrigued me at the banquet, made me want you, made me want to love you and be loved by you. But I had never experienced a love like this before you Yuuri, I’d never been  _ in  _ love. But you my dear, stole a piece of me, skated into my heart. When I realized I loved you a little too much, in an all consuming way, it terrified me because I realized what being in love meant.” 

 

Yuuri hates himself for it, feeling tears sting at his eyes listening to Victor’s speech, but he couldn’t help it. He snatched napkins from the dispenser, handing one to Victor to blot at his eyes while he spoke.

 

“I found myself willing to do anything for you, including throwing my career, the thing I lived and breathed, down the drain to stay with you. I never told anyone this,” Victor took a deep breath, “but after Hot Springs On Ice I’d originally planned to surprise everyone by returning to skating alongside whoever won, being my own coach as I coached a student. But then I fell for you, and you’re all I could think about Yuuri, I wanted to push you as your coach, knowing you had such potential. If I’d skated too, I was afraid I’d neglect you and I couldn’t have that.” Victor caught the shift in Yuuri’s eyes, the anger flaring. 

 

“No, I know what you’re thinking Yuuri, I didn’t do that out of pity and I’d never hold that against you. But, I did it out of love. I love you Yuuri, still am in love with you.” 

 

The Russian hiccuped, waiting for a response, anything from the man he loved the most. He held his breath, trying to hold himself together. If Yuuri doesn’t accept his apology, or let him him back in his life he doesn’t know what he’ll do; all he has to offer is his broken self. 

 

“But w-what about her Victor? If you are so in love with me then how could you lo-“

 

“I never loved her Yuuri,” he interrupted Yuuri’s quiet voice, passion burning, “I’m not in love with her either for that matter. I admit, I fucked up. Big time. I let her get too close. I let her in, but not once did I let her near my heart. That was yours, always will be, if you still want it. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t. Fuck,if I were you, I wouldn’t be sitting at this table with me.” 

 

Victor hadn’t touched his coffee since he started speaking, now scratching the back of his neck nervously

 

“I,um, broke it off with her that night, not that there was really anything to break off. I told her to leave, to get out of both of our lives and to never say a word.”

 

Yuuri laid his head on the crook of his folded arm on the table, feeling sick and spiraling once more that morning. 

 

“I-I don’t know what to say Victor. I don’t think I’ve been able to breath right since that night. It’s been less than two weeks but it could’ve been months. I know it’s been months since I’ve felt normal, the moment you let her claw her way into our lives…” Yuuri trailed off, closing his eyes. 

It’d been easy meeting Victor’s eyes this morning, even when they first sat down at this table as they were cloudy, lackluster. But now, God help Yuuri, there was a fiery passion in them now, lit by Yuuri himself. They made Yuuri weak, and if he wasn’t careful, Yuuri was sure he’d fall even deeper for them. 

 

“It’s like one day you were in love with me Victor, willing to jump off the ends of the Earth for me, and then, then the next day you just  _ weren’t _ . I tried so hard to hang on, ignoring all the red flags screaming at me because I was in love with you for fuck’s sake, my soul intertwined with yours even if it no longer was willing to be. I was ready to marry you Victor, all you had to do was ask. But I couldn’t change a thing, all I could do was accept it, but I wasn’t going to take it lying down. No, so I  _ left,  _ ran like a bat from hell.” 

 

Taking a rough sip of cooling white hot chocolate, Yuuri found himself wishing more than anything that it was sake. 

 

“You chased me here to Detroit Victor and for  _ what? ‘ _ To make up for it all?’ that ‘You’re sorry?’ I’m tired of hearing you say the same things over and over. You say you’ve changed? Fucking prove it!” 

 

The Japanese man slapped his hand in the table, with all the determination and passion that he had at his last press conference when he had all but screamed into his microphone that his theme was love. Victor jumped in his chair, salty cheeks burning as he was presented a challenge. After all this time, Yuuri was still surprising him.

 

“Yuuri, I’ll show you. I stole the light from your eyes and I’ll be damned if I don’t return it. I promise Yuuri, if you let me back into your life I will.” 

 

Yuuri was jittering in his seat, excited and terrified with the prospect of Victor’s promise. 

 

“I’m not promising you anything more than maybe a friendship Victor. We’ve just got to see where this goes. In fact, I want us to be low key, the media, no one, not even Phichit or Chris can know about this. Should be easy enough for you to keep a secret like this.” Yuuri says, internally clapping himself on the back. Victor doesn’t know if it’s appropriate to giggle at that yet, so he doesn’t chance it although his heart does swell a little with pride for sly Yuuri. 

 

“Yes, I promise Yuuri, I’m not going to fuck up this time. I’ll show you. I’ll book us flights back home right now.” 

 

Yuuri stops Victor’s excited reach for his phone with a disapproving sound in his throat.

 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Yuuri grins sickeningly sweet, “Detroit is my home for now, I’ve got Phichit here as a support system. If you really want to get back in my life Victor, you’re going to have to work around that.” 

 

Without a moment’s hesitation, Victor still grabs for his phone. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Yuuri’s face fall for a split second, having thought this meant Victor was leaving. 

 

“Don’t worry, I’m booking a flight, but it’s for neither of us. It’s for Makka, I miss her so much and if I’m going to be in Detroit for who knows how long. I need  _ my  _ support system.” Victor says, with a weak grin, typing quickly into his phone. 

 

Yuuri hates to admit it, but his heart skips a beat with the prospect of seeing that fluffy brown fur baby again (and maybe the fact that Victor is going to stay).

 

“Oh, Yuuri do you know of any apartments in Detroit that’ll be Makkachin friendly? I don’t think I can stand one more night in a hotel room.” 

—————————————————————————

—————————————————————————

Phichit’s jaw was hanging open, breakfast only half finished. He honestly doesn’t know if he could finish it now.

 

After dragging themselves out of bed to make food, both men found themselves maneuvering around each other in the cramped kitchen. It had taken them over a good hour to cook, distracting each other with smooches here and there and wicked smiles. 

 

When they both finally sat down to eat, Chris recounted the story of him and Masumi in Russia. 

 

He told Phichit of their grand plan of pretending to be fiancés to meet with Yulia, planning a wedding that will never see the light of day. Phichit was laughing and giggling at their genius before Chris opened his phone to the desperate texts Yulia has been sending him since departing at brunch in Russia. He hasn’t texted her back, or even opened her texts from being so caught up in Phichit. And Phichit caught up in him. Both cases.

 

_ It was a blissfully  _ **_long_ ** _ night  _

 

Christophe was in the middle of laughing and showing his crush Yulia’s most recent text when a new one came in. This one had an image attached.

It was of the blonde holding up two different swatches of fabric in Victor’s well lit bathroom. The picture seems innocent enough until the well placed mirror in the background catches the men’s attention. Posed perfectly to show off a peachy bottom and mile long legs is Yulia’s naked body.    
  
The caption read: “Champagne or ivory?”    
  
Phichit’s first reaction was his mouth hanging open in complete and utter shock. To be honest, Chris wasn’t too surprised with the way she flirted with him in front of his “fiancé”, but he hadn’t expected a nude this soon.    
  
“I-“ Phichit started before just exploding with laughter, Chris unable to contain himself, joining in.    
  
“She sent you, Chris, you of all people a nude?! She must be very desperate, but gosh I wonder if she was this forward with Victor? You can see her whole bare ass!”   
  
The Swiss wiped a tear from his eye from laughing so hard, not knowing how to reply.    
  
“‘Champagne or ivory?’ How about let’s just not?” Chris mocked in a high pitched voice meant to sound like the Russian in question.

 

Phichit choked on the sausage he was taking a bite of, with a dangerously deep guffaw as he heard the front door open, signaling Yuuri’s arrival. 

 

Phichit and Chris had to do a double take as they watched a smiling Yuuri saunter towards them with a bounce in his step. He plucked the sausage link off of Phichit’s fork and tossed it in his mouth, raising his eyebrow as if to ask ‘what’s so funny?’

 

“Well, good morning Yuuri Katsuki!” Phichit exclaimed in an exaggerated tone, saying his best friend’s name like an emcee. 

 

“Did someone have a good night? You’re practically glowing!” Chris eyeballed Yuuri, making him squirm. 

 

“My night was fun, but the real question is how was your guys’ night?” Yuuri asked with a dark, playful twinkle in his eyes and an all knowing smirk. 

 

Phichit and Chris looked at each other, blushing, catching on fire. They haven’t banged out all the details yet, on what exactly they are, but they both know they like each other. It’s not too serious, in light of the events happening around them, but this also isn’t just sex, and that’s enough for them now. 

 

“Mmmmhmmmmm.” Yuuri giggled, snagging a plateful of food while the two men made goo goo eyes at each other. 

 

The brunette was nearly to his room, juggling his food in one hand when Phichit called out,”DON’T THINK WE DIDN'T HEAR YOU SNEAKING OUT WITH AN EXTRA PAIR OF FOOTSTEPS THIS MORNING!!”

 

The Swiss added on, “YOU'RE WEARING THE SAME CLOTHES AS LAST NIGHT. WE SEE YOU!”

 

Yuuri snickered as he shut his bedroom door, turning on Phichit’s Bluetooth speaker. He set his “depression music” playlist on shuffle, grinning as he dug in to his plate. Funnily enough, his “depression music” playlist isn’t bringing him down. It reminds him of a certain someone, and right now, it’s not such a bad thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: Wayne State's library is open 24/7 and I am super jealous!! I did my research, found the floor plans and everything so even the cafe is real. 
> 
> I remember writing this chapter during a cold December afternoon during finals week. I was craving the drink Yuuri orders since it is my favorite for when I'm stressed.


	10. back to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things get a little rocky 🥺

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’m super sorry I didn’t get to post yesterday I was studying my ass off for finals
> 
> Title from lyrics from “Back to You” by Selena Gomez

  * ••••••••2 months later••••••••••



 

The two had been becoming good friends, hanging out sparsely at Victor’s new apartment and texting periodically. They have done a perfect job of staying out of the public eye, being quick and going to low key restaurants when eating out like they did this evening. Phichit and Chris were curious with Yuuri’s complete 180 degree change in attitude since that night they went clubbing but they knew nothing of who was putting life back in Yuuri’s smiles. 

 

The cab went silent as it neared Phichit’s Detroit neighborhood after dinner.     
  
Victor looked at Yuuri longingly as the Japanese skater blindly felt for his take out box.    
  
“Yuu-“   
  
“Vict-“    
  
They both interrupted each other, only to give a slight giggle at each other as Yuuri turned to face him.    
  
“Yes Victor?”   
  
“I had a really fun time tonight, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t want this night to end just yet...”    
  
Discouragingly, Yuuri’s face began to fall as Victor scrambled to continue.    
  
“...so I was wondering if we could just, I don’t know, watch a movie together?”   
  
Trying his hardest to hide his nerves behind a grin, Yuuri watches his fingers trace the logo on the to-go container.    
  
“I...don’t think that’s a good idea Victor.”    
  
“It’s okay, I understand. We promised to take things slow and I’m going to keep it.”   
  
Deepening his grin into something genuine, Yuuri looked up at Victor through his eyelashes.    
  
“I mean, I would invite you inside, but I’ve always had a hard time keeping my self control around you.”    
  
Victor swallowed hard, his legs twitching trying to resist himself from doing something stupid like throwing himself at Yuuri and kissing him silly.    
  


But  _ holy shit _ . 

 

“Plus, I’m pretty sure Chris and Peach are screwing on the coach like they do every other night. So I wouldn’t be able to sneak you in.” Yuuri smiled innocently at Victor. 

 

Victor couldn’t help himself as he felt his mouth form into one of his embarrassing blushy birdie smiles. Yuuri threw open the door to the cab when it came to a stop about a block away from his apartment stoop. Just before hopping out, he turned around and smacked a light kiss to the apple of the Russian’s flushing cheek. 

 

In a flash he was gone, briskly walking down the sidewalk as Victor watched awestruck, thanking God for Yuuri’s mercy for the millionth time since meeting in Delilah’s. 

 

Swinging the bag with his take out cheerily, Yuuri was a little stumped when he wasn’t met with the obscene sounds of Phichit and Chris making out on the couch, which is... weird to think.

 

He tossed his food in the fridge, practically floating up the stairs to his bedroom. Japan’s Ace was on cloud 9.

 

He was even goofily smiling to himself, humming to the tune of “ [ Back to You ](https://youtu.be/GNGbmg_pVlQ) ”. behind his big cheeser. He wasn’t really paying attention to anything really, daydreaming, until he turned to flip his light on after shutting the door behind him. 

 

When he turned back around he just about jumped out of his skin. There sitting on his bed was Chris and Phichit, expressions unreadable. 

 

_ Just play it cool Yuuri, they know nothing. _

 

Laughing nervously Yuuri tried to seem nonchalant, “What are you two doing up here in the dark?”

 

“Well, you’ve been going out a lot lately, so Chris and I thought we would try to get a glimpse of whoever has you so chipper these days.”

 

Yuuri felt like a deer caught in headlights, flush rising, guilt written all over his silence.

 

_ They seen! But how? _

 

Yuuri looked over Chris’ shoulder at his reflection in the window just above his bed, feeling his stomach drop. It has a clear view of the street below and is high enough off the ground that the first few blocks are also visible, streetlights illuminating the sidewalks. 

 

Chris flicked his head towards it, batting his eyelashes. 

 

“Correct me if I’m wrong but it looked like a certain silver haired skater was hanging out of your taxi Yuuri. What’s his name again?”

 

Phichit answered Chris for Yuuri, raising his eyebrows, “Victor Nikiforov. An unfaithful man that broke Yuuri’s heart.”

 

“It’s not what it looks like! Trust me.” Yuuri said, arms crossed with a pout. 

 

Phichit and Chris looked at each other in disbelief. 

 

Yuuri sighed deeply, slicking back his dripping hair, “Me and him  _ talked  _ about two months ago-“

 

“Two months?!” Phichit huffed, elbowing a bewildered Christophe. 

 

“- and I told him how I feel. I didn’t let him walk all over me, but…” 

 

“But  _ what?”  _ Phichit was fuming,  _ Victor has been in Detroit for months and Yuuri didn’t say anything?? _

 

“...he says he wants back into my life and that he realizes what he’s done wrong. I didn’t promise him anything- not even friendship. But we’ve been hanging out, taking things slow.” 

 

Phichit’s eyes burned a hole through Chris’ phone laying on the bed next to them, waiting for Chris to pull out his damning evidence of Yulia still living her best life in Victor’s St. Petersburg apartment as far as they knew. He gets a nude at least once a week now, she hasn’t given up despite his radio silence. 

 

Chris’ hand twitches to reach for it. However, something hasn’t been sitting right with him about Yulia but he hasn’t brought it up to Phichit yet. He thinks of the smiles Yuuri has been wearing for the past few months, starting the night after…

 

“I’m guessing it’s safe to assume those mystery footsteps belonged to Victor. Didn’t they?” Chris questioned, pursing his lips to keep his Cheshire smile at bay. 

 

Phichit blinked at Yuuri as he turned pink knowing  _ exactly  _ what Chris was referring, confirming his hunch. 

 

Feeling defeated, Phichit rose, stopping after stomping past Yuuri on the way out the door. 

 

“Taking it slow huh?”

 

Once they heard the Thai’s bedroom door shut, Chris cleared his throat. 

 

“He’s only upset because he wants to protect you Yuuri. You were so heartbroken after China that it worried him to no end. We were afraid you’d never bounce back. I can see it on your face how much joy Victor brings to you.”

 

Chris rose from the bed, laying a hand on Yuuri’s shoulder, meeting his eyes, “but don’t ever,  _ ever,  _ forget what he is capable of doing to you. He can hurt you again, if you let him.” 

 

With a squeeze, Chris slipped into the darkness too, leaving Yuuri alone. 

 

He stood there, shaking. 

 

_ I don’t want to lay here and cry.  _

 

His mind was a mess, but his body seemed to know what it wanted. Yuuri watched his fingers order an Uber, typing in numbers and letters on their own. He listened as his voice ordered a feast inside his ride. It was from Phichit’s favorite restaurant, he prayed Chris would enjoy the meal also and they’d both accept his apology. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How we feeling y’all? One more chapter 🥺


	11. taking my time, let the world turn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title is lyrics from Kacey Musgraves’ Slow Burn (I will add it to the playlist soon) 🥺

“Phichit, open up darling Yuuri ordered us food,” Chris spoke through the wooden bedroom door, “it’s from  _ Grell’s Grill?”  _

 

Phichit opened the door so quickly it was nearly comical. He had a pout on his face, which was adorable on its own but to top it off, one of his hamsters was chilling on his shoulder. 

 

Chris cooed, smacking a kiss against his forehead. 

 

“Apology food?,” Phichit sighed before snuggling into Chris’ chest, “hmmm guess I’ll forgive him.”

 

After they ate they laid on the couch cuddling, Chris playing with Phichit’s hair in his lap while he thought about what he was going to say. 

 

“I don’t think Victor is as guilty as we first thought. I haven’t replied once to Yulia and she’s still harassing me.” 

 

Phichit sat up, “what do you mean?” 

 

“I mean, Victor is oblivious and gullible while she is determined and obsessive. Maybe he really didn’t realize what was happening until it was very late.” 

 

Phichit sat there, blinking slowly for a minute. 

 

“All the things he did though, no matter what did or did not happen Victor isn’t completely innocent. But I see what you mean...we can’t tell Yuuri about this,they are actually working this out on their own and we shouldn’t meddle” Phichit picked up his phone. 

 

“Who are you calling?”

 

“The police, Yulia needs to get her ass out of that apartment right now.” 

 

——————————————————————-

 

When the Uber pulled to a stop he nearly tripped bolting from the car and up some stairs. Yuuri stood there, heart thundering as he bounced on his heels holding down the door bell. The moment the apartment door was open, Yuuri flew into his arms.

 

_ Victor. _

 

Knocked out of breath by a very clingy Yuuri the older man walked backwards, shutting his door before Makka could think to escape. 

 

“Yuuri-  _ hmph” _

 

The Japanese man wedged Victor between him and a wall, standing on his tiptoes pressing Victor’s lips against his own. Victor relaxed into it for a moment, arms keeping them both balanced before he placed them on the shorter one’s shoulders.

 

But he couldn’t do  _ this. _ It took a lot of willpower but Victor gently pressed against his shoulders ending their kiss. 

 

When Victor opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was the rejection burning in Yuuri’s eyes and the wobble to his chin. 

 

“ _ No,  _ no, hey- Yuuri,” he said holding Yuuri’s head between his palms.  

 

“I-I should have known I’m sorry I forced myself on you Victor but if you dontwantmelikethatIunderstand.” 

 

Eyes closed, he rested his forehead on Yuuri’s wrapping both of his hands around his, clutching them between the two men. He could feel himself smiling stupidly, but he didn’t care. Victor felt extremely fond, thinking of the words to calm Yuuri down and reassure him- something he used to be terrible at.

 

_ My typical Yuuri.  _

 

“I want to Yuuri, believe me I miss having you in that way, but-“ Victor opened his eyes, teal pools the warmest they’ve ever been. 

 

“-I promised you I’d take things slow. I want to wine you and dine you, prove to you that we are a perfect match.I have made so many mistakes Yuuri, and I know I can never change or erase that. But I promise you, I’m going to prove to you how much I’ve changed. I’m always going to be a work in progress, never perfect, but I’m hoping to start anew.”

 

Yuuri blinked back tears listening.

 

“I want to woo you Yuuri, no matter how long it takes. I want to do things right because you deserve nothing less.” 

 

Yuuri’s tears streaked down his face as he buried his face in the crook of Victor’s neck. 

 

“In time, I want to earn your love and trust back; if you’ll let me.”

 

They still have a  _ very _ long way to go, and lots to work through but Yuuri can already tell from his fear in his eyes of mucking things up that the man in front of him is a shell of the one he met. 

 

He genuinely cares about Yuuri, and respects how he feels. Yuuri felt the lightest he’s been since that night bar hopping with “ghost” Victor.

 

With all his heart, Yuuri looked up at Victor, light dancing in his eyes as he thought to himself,  _ you already have. _

 

—————————————————————————

 

Seven years to the day later, the tabloids and magazines are once again plastered with Yuuri and Victor’s faces for a whole other reason. 

 

This time though, instead of spreading slander like wildfire, social media and newsstands across the world were on fire with love over the last line of both of their now iconic wedding vows:

 

_ “I vow to always stay close to you, calling out your name.” _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t believe I’ve finished posting the last chapter. What are y’all thoughts? What was your favorite part?? Lmao I wrote 16k of this story so feedback means the world 
> 
> Read Hollow for an alternate ending!!

**Author's Note:**

> tell me how I did! find me on [ twitter! ](https://twitter.com/notunsp00kable)
> 
> kudos/ comments appreciated, but please no hate <3


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